Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

January 2, 2012

I need an assistant

I have 304 messages in my inbox. How is that even possible? I really need to hire an assistant, but that person would have to be as competent, proactive, and assertive as yours truly. That person simply does not exist. Nonetheless, I’ve finally found some spare time to answer some more reader mail. Please listen this time, ladies. All this does he like me? Do I like him? garbage is grating on my nerves. If you think you like him, then you probably do. If he likes you–fab. If he doesn’t–he’s an idiot.

Your welcome there.

Today’s question comes from Lauren

Dear Meredith,

All my friends have boyfriends and they just keep trying to set me up with a boy that I’m not even sure I will even like.  I decided that I’m waiting to date and I can’t get that across to them. What ever shall I do?


Dear Lauren,

This is a tough one. It seems when you DO have a boyfriend, your friends can’t be happy for you and try to sabotage the relationship, just because it’s against the rules of your shared employer! Not that I speak from personal experience. And if they have boyfriends, they want you to jump in as well.

The fact is, it takes a lot of maturity to realize you’re NOT ready to date just yet. Dating is fun, but it can also be messy, awkward, and lead to lots of heartache. It’s not something to do just because of peer pressure, especially if you don’t feel the boy they are trying to set you up with is right for you.

So my advice is to simply tell them thanks, but no thanks. Look for opportunities to hang out when the focus isn’t just on boys. After all, boyfriends come and go, but true friendships can last forever!

Ta ta,


Filed under:Uncategorized

November 3, 2010

The J-O-B

It’s been a technomagical NIGHTMARE here at Facade. The email server has obviously been down for months, and even now it’s spotty. Huh, I hope none of my subs tried to send me anything. There was this one girl with a dog allergy who got stuck with the Prime Minister’s poodle and… Not Pretty.

So, while I’m connected, I’ll try to swim out of this ocean of email. You girls have been wonderfully responsive, and please do keep the questions coming. So *rolls sleeves up* (uck, like I would ever commit that fashion faux paux)

Dear Meredith,

What do you like best about you job?
Have you ever told anyone about your job in the real world? (Besides that boy you liked).


Dear Chloe,

Allow me to answer the latter question first. NO. No no no. Discussing the agency with anyone outside of the agency is severely taboo. I made that tragic mistake ONCE, and once was enough. Don’t make that mistake, girls. STAY MUM.

Whew. Now that we’ve cleared that up.

Favorite part of the job. Hmmmm… this. The clients. The interaction. Seeing the royals happy, and watching my subs progress. Makes me feel somewhat maternal. Or the closest thing I’ll ever be to maternal, because I’m never having children.


Ta Ta,

Filed under:Uncategorized


July 13, 2010

Numbers talk

Dear Meredith,

How many royals have you helped?

<3 Meghan

Dear Meghan,

Sorry I’m late on this inquiry. You wouldn’t believe the craziness that is June here at Facade. And I so wish I could answer this for you, but… confidential. Shall we speak hypothetically instead? Say I had, oh five subs under me. And say, just for the ease of numbers, that each sub worked for one royal a month. Well, in the course of a year, that’s sixty royals. Subtract about ten for repeat clients and you have fifty. Add the many years I’ve been doing this (but also remembering royals aren’t as abundant as they once were) and it’s well into the hundreds.

There will always be a handful who stick out, though. Makes one wonder if we might have been friends had our relationship not been of business nature. But what of it? Friends require time, and I must go clean up some June disasters.

Ta ta!

Filed under:Uncategorized

June 4, 2010

You don’t look a day over 389,493

Dear Meredith,

Are the agent/subs at Facade (like yourself) immortal?


Dear Addy,

No. We’re very much human, and thus very much mortal. And good thing, because if I had to live in a world where Lady Gaga is “relevant” for the rest of eternity, I may just have to hide in a fashionable cave. Sorry, but it must be said. Wearing SPIKES in never okay.

Back to your great question, because the whole time going-on-here-but-not-there thing is confusing. All agents have MP–we all started out as subs and worked our way up to this point. So our MP serves as a protector, a shield of sorts, from making us age at an accelorated pace while switching back and forth. Actually, I would say it’s quite the opposite–we seem to age more slowly. My boss, for example, looks flawless and she’s edging on 70. I can’t wholly go into to reasons behind the deceleration right now, though. Confidential and all that.

Thanks for the compliment, btw. This new skin creme is so worth it.

Ta ta,

Filed under:Uncategorized


May 23, 2010

OK, girls, listen up

Dear Meredith,

i like this boy at my school but he doesnt know i exsit. What can i do to make him notice me?



Dear Shanazia,

I can’t tell you how much mail I get asking this question, or something similar. Let me tell you, darling, every boy is different. What draws this boy to a girl can be different than his friend. Humans are complicated beings, royal or not, so there isn’t a fix all answer. If there was, I would quit agenting, write a relationship book, and go live on an exotic island. I hear all writers are fabulously wealthy like that.

Instead, here are a few do’s and don’ts I’ve picked up from watching royals over the years:

DON’T be desperate. This includes wearing clothes that err on the trampy side–you want him to like you for YOU, right? It’s a balancing act between acting interested and trying too hard. Make sure you’re not wearing some invisible, flashing sign that says Like me! Like me! LIKE ME PLEASE OH PLEASE!

DO be authentic: No boy wants a girl who changes herself to be some cyborg she thinks the boy wants (and if he does, quick! Run away). Don’t pretend to like Nascar if you don’t. Don’t force yourself to eat bacon if it disgusts you. If you do have something in common, great, talk to him about it, but don’t fake it. Pursue your interests, your passions. When you are in your true element, people–boys included–will naturally be drawn to you. Also, highlight your good points, both inward and outward.

DON’T put yourself down. Some girls do this odd fishing-for-compliments thing where they say they’re fat or not pretty so that boys will say, “No! You’re beautiful.” Seriously ladies? Don’t make me hop in my bubble and come slap you. You’re wonderful. OWN IT.

DO be confident. This can take a lifetime to figure out. I myself wouldn’t mind hopping in my bubble and going back in time to give teenage Meredith a few tips. But it’s true–boys love a girl secure in herself. And here’s a secret–boys are just as insecure as us, they just show it in different ways. When they know you have some idea of who you are, it makes them less nervous to approach you. Just don’t overdue it and become witchy. I work with a girl like this. *cough* Lilith *cough*.

DON’T set your happiness on this boy. If you reek of awesome and this guy never sniffs it, that doesn’t mean you aren’t a worthwhile person. You don’t have to be liked to be likable. Don’t let one boy’s opinion define your worth!

DO be realistic. There are a million fish in the sea, darling. You might get along swimmingly with this one, and if so… fabulous! But if not, you’re young, you’re confident (remember?) and you have other things to do then worry about boys. If not, I’m sure your agent can find plenty.

Ta ta,

Filed under:Uncategorized

May 23, 2010

Hair Today

Dear Meredith,

Why is your hair green?



Dear Sallie,

Sorry it took a bit for me to respond. You wouldn’t believe what my inbox looks like as of late. I could really use an assistant, but then I’d need to find someone willing to work my hours, who has at least half my mental capabilities and well… dream on, Meredith.

But! Here we are. And this is a very simple question to answer. My hair is green because, first off, GREEN IS FABULOUS. Far more fabulous than the oft-preferred pink and purple of the feminine world. But I believe you’re asking why agents in general dye their hair. Well, it’s actually a dye that can only be seen by someone with Magic Potential. Your average person on the street would only see my black hair. It serves as an identifier of sorts (you can tell a Facade dye job over a boxed disaster easy. And if you can’t, well, shame on you). It also serves as an, kind of like how sports teams wear the same uniform, we all dye our hair. Some of us just choose much more brilliant and bold colors.

Ta ta,

Filed under:Uncategorized

May 3, 2010

Bubble Business

Dear Meredith,

Where is your favorite place you have been in your bubble?


Dear Cooper.

For confidentiality purposes, I can’t tell you the places I’ve traveled. If I did, you could easily narrow down the royals in that area and speculate on who my clients are. I HAVE been many fabulous places, of course, but never fully experienced many of them. As an agent, most of my time is spent at the agency or traveling in the bubble, not on location with the substitutes. And as for my subbing days, it’s hard to take in scenery when you’re so concentrated on not messing up the royal’s life. In short, it’s work, not leisure.

Fine, fine. If you’re going to pester, I will mention one. Iowa. I went there to pick up a sub, overshot a bit and ended up in a cornfield. All I saw forever was corn. A sea of it. And it was so… uncomplicated, so vast. I felt so alone, yet so complete.

Ahem. Wow, I need to get some sleep. Cornfields? Gibberish. Continue on…

Ta ta

Filed under:Uncategorized

May 1, 2010

Don’t let your moon eyes block out the light

Dear Meredith,

There is this boy I like. Every time I see him I get this dreamy look on my face where my eyelids droop and I stare at him.I’m afraid he will figure out I like him.

<3 Nicole W.


Ah, droopy eyelids. Please allow me to roll up my sleeves because, girl, sounds like you’ve got it bad.

There’s nothing wrong with liking boys, or even letting them know you do. What is really so bad about him knowing how you feel? I’m not suggesting you throw yourself at him (or any boy for that matter). But it’s perfectly acceptable to find opportunities to get to know him better. Why? Well, often that dreamy look can cloud your judgement. Are you seeing who is really there, or are you building him up to be someone he isn’t?  Strike up a conversation with him and see if he’s really worthy of your day-dreams. If he’s just a pretty face with nothing underneath, I suggest you open those eyelids and look around for another crush. If he is Prince Charming, try not to let those butterflies stop you from being yourself.

Ta ta,

Filed under:Uncategorized

April 18, 2010

You have mass, so you do MATTER

Dear Meredith,

So my home life isn’t so great. I feel like I’m just taking up space. I can’t even tell my mom how I feel, any tips on how to go about letting her know what goes on in my head?


Dear Charlee,

Whoa. Not quite a what’s your-favorite-color-question, is this? I think we’ve all felt like this, Charlee. You see so much drama in this world–whether on the news or in your own house. I know that sometimes it’s hard to believe that you matter. But you do. And not just because of your magic potential. Because you are a person, and every person on this planet has worth, and has the ability to touch others. In fact, the more you reach out to your family, to your friends, to other people dealing with their own issues, the more you realize your own capacity to love and BE LOVED. Nothing can make you feel more worthwhile than serving others.

As far as talking to your mom about this, well, I find it’s best to relate to someone when you are in a relatable situation. Tell your mom you’d like to have some time with her. Pick a place where you both feel comfortable and happy, maybe a favorite restaurant. Start off talking about things you both have in common–just something to get the conversation going. Then be honest with her like you have me. Tell her you don’t know how to get these feelings out, but they are there and you’d like to discuss it.

And if there is anything in your home life that is really bad, to the point you feel like another adult should know, I recommend also reaching out to a teacher or school counselor. My expertise is more limited to what shoes are hot in the new spring line, but there are adults there to protect you if you feel like you are not safe. From the tone of your note, I think this might not be the case, but thought I should mention it nonetheless.

I hope that helps. I didn’t know my mother, so I can’t speak from personal wisdom on that. But I will say I always wished for a mother, as I think that is a wonderful relationship that should be nourished.

And again, you are VERY important, Charlee. Very.

Ta ta,

Filed under:Uncategorized

April 18, 2010


Dear Meredith,

What inspired you to write stories?


Dear Arlin,

Ah, this happens quite a bit. Sometimes my email gets mixed with a beautiful, talented, amazing, brilliant author named Lindsey Leavitt. I’m sure you’ve heard of her. Anyway, since I get her mail so much, she’s forwarded some responses on to me and this is actually a question she’s discussed. I’ll copy and paste it below.

Oh, and you should really read her books. Like, all of them. Did I mention she’s amazing?

You know, the easy way for me to make sense about things–about the world, about my feelings, about myself–is to write about it. And I really like to be happy. Writing does that for me. So even if no one ever read my work, I would still do it because it cheers me up, helps me gain perspective in my life. That motivates and inspires me quite a bit.

As far as where I get ideas on what to write, dude, EVERYWHERE. I have three little girls, so there is lots of princess material there. But also, reading the news or eavesdropping on conversations or naps! Some of my best ideas happen in the weird place where you are kind of awake, kind of asleep. So I HAVE to nap on the job. HAVE to.

I know. My job rocks.

Hope that helps, Arlin!

Ta ta,

Filed under:Uncategorized

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